Thoughts On First Contact

I have had much time for contemplation and meditation while cleaning and repairing the shuttlecraft. I had discovered some time ago, to my dismay, that Felis Catus’ habit of clandestine urination had severely damaged my ship. I am most displeased with Felis Catus, and we have had a long discussion about why that behavior is unacceptable. I have successfully dismantled most of the ship’s systems, and with a thorough washing, I hope that they may be reassembled and functional again. In the meantime, I have made a list regarding how possible First Contact situations between Earth and the major Alpha and Beta quadrant species might go.

Cardassia- It is my belief that the Cardassians would enslave the human population of Earth and commence strip mining the planet as they have done with many others.

Klingons- The Klingons would blast Earth into a smoking ruin and fly away laughing because it was easy.

Romulus- I am fairly certain that the Romulans would beam every drop of good wine onto their supply ships, along with Earth’s art treasures, jewels, one hundred of the best looking women, and 5,000 cute cats they saw in Earth videos. They would then declare Earth conquered and part of the Romulan Star Empire. They would return again soon for more.

Ferenginar- Perhaps the most unfortunate fate for humanity. The Ferengi would kidnap all the women and leave Earth men wandering around in rags and paying rent to live on their own planet.

Thus, I believe that only Vulcans should be present at first contact, and I shall henceforth send my recommendation to the Vulcan High Command.