I have completed the first part of my online surveillance of humanity. Felis Catus was correct. They are obsessed with non-procreative sex. I have become concerned with my own safety, and resolve to conceal upon my person a phaser set on stun, in case I should encounter a miseducated male. Felis Catus pointed out to me that fully five percent of internet traffic relates to domestic felines, and purports that a revolution is at hand, whereupon felines will be worshiped as gods once again as they were in Ancient Egypt. When I expressed my doubts, she introduced me to a friend of hers- Mr. Fluffy, who claims to be worshiped.
While I concur that her friend is quite handsome, I do not agree with their illogical conclusion that felines are deities. Nor do I condone their continued animosity with Canis Familiaris. Despite Canis Familiaris’ over exuberance and excretory non-discrimination, I have found canine companionship to be acceptable. Felis Catus argued this position most vehemently, and wished me to take note that while canines are quite companionable to humanoids while alone, they are a different quality altogether when working in concert. She explained to me that canine psychology is all about social position within the pack, and all canine behavior revolves around this purpose. Canines believe humans to be part of their pack, often pack leaders, and canines routinely try to divest felines of their purported divinity, assigning them positions within the pack relative to their size. Felis Catus and her friend, Mr. Fluffy, informed me that no cat anywhere would stand for that. I have resolved that this domestic issue requires further investigation, and that the viewpoints of Canis Familiaris and Felis Catus on humanity shall prove valuable. I shall continue my online investigations of human social constructs and begin my first forays out of the wilderness and into civilization within the next few days.